Patience is a skill that can be gained, managed, and improved. It is never a set trait that you hold. I don’t think I even knew what patience was before I had kids. I have learned some really great tricks to becoming a more patient parent. Some are from my childhood and some I’ve adapted myself as an adult. Here are five tips to cultivating patience as a parent.

1. Stop everything, cozy corner, and mindfulness

This tip is probably my favorite! It gives you and your child a break, everybody gets to reset and start again in a mindful state. You are cultivating patience because you are right there doing it with them. Stop all talking, doing, reacting, screaming, whatever may be happening in that moment. If I am super overwhelmed or frustrated I have my kids go in their room for a minute.

I get what we call a cozy corner ready. This usually consists of a couple big blankets folded up in a corner, some pillows lining the wall, and a blanket on top. I search “mediation music” or “sleep music” on YouTube and turn on whatever one I am feeling that day. I try to make it a darker one, with limited stimulation. All of the lights go off, we lay down in our cozy corner and we take deep breaths. I say “let your body feel what it needs right now, and rest your mind.”

Even if your child is a baby they can still feel your energy. You can do this with them and it will calm them and yourself. I have even done this in school settings with Pre-k students. We will do this for 15 to 30 minutes, or until my kids fall asleep if it’s near nap time (which usually it is).

Here is a great YouTube video for cozy corner time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFASWuckB1c

2. Put yourself in their shoes

This seems wild because your child is so much younger than you. I often try to remember what it was like being a kid myself, when I got overwhelmed, or my parents told me no. I also think about what it’s like as an adult to get overwhelmed or frustrated. We throw fits too, it just looks a little different. If I can think about this and put it into perspective before shit hits the fan, I tend to have more patience when the time comes.

When my two year old starts throwing a fit or yelling, I begin cultivating patience by stopping, analyzing her actions, hearing what she’s saying and I think back in my mind, okay what just happened? I picture myself as a two year old and what I might do. I also picture myself and think what I would do now if that same thing happened to me.

By doing this, I gain perspective of my child. It’s easier for me to stay calm and get on her level both mentally and physically, and then figure out a solution together. I love this method of cultivating patience because it allows me to see into my child’s mind and how they solve problems. We almost always come out on top impressed with the way we handled the situation and each other.

3. Cultivating patience with brief planning

I do not always have our days planned out, and even if I do they usually don’t go as planned, so that’s why I say brief planning. Brief planning just means have times of the day where you do you, and you do them. If I am going to do the dishes I might have the kids go play outside or set them up with some art to keep them occupied.

Another example is when I’m working doing stocks or blogging, I often sit outside in a chair while the kids play or have the kids do their rest time. This allows for you to be focused on you at points during the day. Instead of trying to play with them and do your work at the same time, you have focused time where you get your stuff done, and then the kids have their time where you are focused on them.

This is a great tool for cultivating patience because I get my stuff done, or get it done in pieces and parts because my children are one and two and they do need my help often. Then, I spend the other parts of the day solely focused on them. Take time for you and for your kids during the day. Do this everyday because it helps with not getting burned out so fast, which in turn helps with your patience with your child.

*As a note to parents, we are dealing with children so this method doesn’t always work every time. Sometimes your kids just need you more than other days. Also this method works better when you have multiple children to play with each other.

4. Don’t be in a hurry

This one is super crazy! Sometimes we’re just in a hurry, library story time at 10, playdate at 1, doctors at 3:30. Those days are acceptable, because we all do it. Although, if you can help it, usually not rushing your child is quicker or takes the same amount of time as trying to hurry them along. AND, not rushing them leaves them in a better mood.

What I really mean by not being in a hurry is on the days it’s maybe just a playdate or getting out to the park or going to the pool, just let them buckle themselves in the car, try to tie their own shoes, change outfits five times, or dress their baby and bring that too. I try to do this as much as I possibly can as a parent because it lets your child feel confident in their actions, it creates determination, and it show them that they matter and that you truly see them. You are going to get to that playdate faster and a lot less pissed off if you don’t rush.

5. Stop, drop, and hug

This method of patience, I learned from a parenting class I took called Mindful Parenting Revolution, which is now Mindful Movement & Parenting by Kristine Petterson. It takes some practice but I find that more often than not it works. You have to be willing, and you have to show vulnerability with your child.

Stop: stop talking, moving, thinking; stop everything.

Drop: drop down to your child. I’ll sit on the floor next to them or get down on my knees with my arms open. Another common gesture I do is lay down on the floor next to my daughter with our faces turned to each other.

Hug: Let them know you’re here for them. No judgement, no time restraint, no nothing. Without talking show them you are right there with them to support and love.

When my toddler is throwing a huge fit, running around throwing herself on the ground or screaming at the top of her lungs, I usually opt to not do this one because I don’t have the patience to listen to the screaming. Which brings me to one bonus method of cultivating patience!

Bonus method to cultivating patience

Screaming gets me super frustrated, super quick. If you are also like this, this can be a good way to go away from it and take a break. I will usually stay as long as I can starting out with different methods from above but if none of them work and my toddler is screaming, throwing herself around, or hurts her sibling or myself, I walk out. I go outside and leave her inside; taking her sibling with me if need be. If it’s cold outside I go sit in my car. Sometimes it comes down to taking a break so I don’t scream back or cuss or spank.

In Conclusion

These six methods of gaining patience with your child and deescalating overwhelming situations can be super helpful, especially if they are practiced often.

1. Cozy corner (quiet, mindfulness, cuddles, limited stimulation.)
2. Step in their shoes (What would you do if you were their age? What would you do now if you had limited skills, communication, and zero patience)
3. Brief planning (don’t try to do your stuff and theirs, take turns focusing your full attention on them and then you.)
4. Don’t hurry (do not rush your child if you don’t have to, let them do it themselves)
5. Stop, drop, and hug (show love and support right where they are, with what’s happening in the moment.)
6. Walk out (Give yourself a break to breathe, think rationally, let it out, get collected, and then continue.)