The four college students murdered in Moscow, Idaho is unheard of where we’re from. Being a resident who lives in Moscow, this is terrifying. After the murders happened I would lay awake at night, because if I fell asleep I thought I wouldn’t be able to hear or see someone coming. Any noise I heard in the night made me tense up. I had to have my hand on my husband at all times once it got dark outside.
Being a mother in the community where these four college students got murdered is terrifying, and sick. The first few weeks it was hard to eat, sleep, or go out of the house alone. I can’t imagine how the parents and family members of these four college students are functioning. As a mother my whole life is my daughter; I am always thinking about her, worrying about her, and doing everything I can to make sure that she has what she needs. As a sibling I don’t know what I would do without my other half. Being a sibling is the strongest bond a person will ever have in life. To have that ripped away from you so abruptly would sink my heart, and put a whole new darkness in my chest.
To the Families of the Four College Students Murdered
This is for the families; mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. They are who need us right now. It’s been forty-nine days since the four college students were murdered, the people go on with life, law enforcement keeps investigating, the murderer flies by the seat of their pants, but the families are frozen. Lost of how to continue on; to never have another holiday together, or to never walk their daughters down the aisle. Never to have their grandchildren or nieces and nephews running around creating chaos. Staring blankly at the wall, in disbelief and shock that your daughter, son, brother, or sister will never hug you again or say I love you.
So here is to you…
Dear family of Kaylee, Maddie, Xana, and Ethan,
I cannot imagine anything harder than losing your own child, especially so young and vibrant. Recently, I had a family member die, although it is nothing compared to losing your child. It helps me to picture them enjoying the other family they are with now, and doing the things they love with the biggest smile on their face.
I urge you to keep fighting, every day. If you can’t think, go through the motions, just keep going. Wake up to your alarm every morning at the same time, drink your coffee, take a shower, get dressed for work. Push through, go to work and sink yourself in it. Keep something steady in your life, otherwise you will lose yourself completely. Kaylee, Maddie, Xana, and Ethan want you to keep going, keep fighting for them and for yourself. Maybe you can’t cry yet, you can’t scream, you can’t go in their rooms, or even say their name. That’s okay, don’t. Right now is survival time, just keep fighting to function as a human being. Go off grid, just drive, or sit in the woods and be. Don’t think, don’t feel, just be.
The time will come when you need to cry, scream, spend days in their rooms, and say their name over and over to yourself. Don’t give him the satisfaction of giving up on life, even know you want to, even if it’s too hard to care, you have to. You have to put one foot in front of the other for Kaylee, Maddie, Xana, and Ethan. Don’t lose yourself, we’ll be here to help you find your way. Confide in your family, trust your instincts, and stay honest with yourself.
I am deeply sorry for the loss of these four beautiful, vibrant human beings. If you need a reminder or something to bring you back to yourself, read this. The family of these college students, but also anyone who needs it. We’re all hurting, we’re all terrified from this horrible act, so please anyone who needs to bring yourself back to you, read this, take a minute to remember who you are and what you stand for. Be strong, fight like hell, and keep keeping on for Kaylee, Madison, Xana, and Ethan.